Just a bunch of randomness
by FunahoMisaki
Summary: I was surfing Pintrest the other day and found a bunch of smooth lines from Tumblr...don't ask me why but I immediately thought of Zack and Ivy having a contest to see who could get more girls, and Ivy being smooth as hell. Yeah this is just pretty much total crack randomness. Femslash AU OOC Zack is just done, and Ivy is a chick magnet.
1. Chapter 1

**Carmen Sandiego smooth lines**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and I have looked at too many smooth lines from Tumblr. I couldn't help but think of this idea for some reason so…yeah…AU OOC some femslash some bashing to be expectant. Set just before Rules of the Game)**

"Hey sis…betcha I can get more girls to fall for me than you can." Zack said smirking at his sister who was getting ready to go surfing during their vacation in Tahiti.

"Don't call me sis!...but seriously little bro? You think you can be smother than me with the ladies? Alright. You're on." Ivy said smirking as she looked at two girls nearby who were eyeing the brother sister pair.

"On what?" Zack asked looking confused for a brief moment.

"You get first shot at those two lovely ladies. You screw up and then it's my turn. Game…On." Ivy said smirking at her brother who grinned back.

"You're going to regret that Ives. Watch the Zack-master in action." Zack said smugly as he walked over to the bar and ordered a soda, winking at the ladies nearby who giggled.

"Yeah so I'm just on vacation doing the whole tourist thing. Wha-Hey!" Zack said trying to impress the two ladies before he opened his soda and it spilled all over him, making the two girls laugh slightly.

"Yeah real nice there Romeo. Hello ladies. Please excuse my little brother." Ivy said stepping in with a laugh as she smiled at the two girls.

"He's not used to seeing such perfection, although to be fair neither am I." Ivy said offering her hand for a handshake to the two island natives. Both of them blushed and giggled a bit as they shook her hand, Ivy bending over and pressing a kiss to the back of their hands as soon as their hands were within her own.

"I doubt you'd want to flirt with me. I have the sex appeal of a math book." The girl on the left said shaking her head and looking a bit self-conscious.

"So? I haven't met a person yet that opened a math book and didn't say 'fuck me'." Ivy said without missing a beat causing her brothers jaw to drop open while the girl blushed brightly.

"Oh hey there Zackarino, what's that fa-hot sand! Hot sand! Hot sand!" The Chief appeared on a Beach Ball nearby and had to quickly hop towards Zack and Ivy's beach towel.

Ivy gave a heavy sigh as she looked at the two girls.

"I'm sorry ladies. It seems that duty calls. Apparently I have work to do." Ivy said apologetically to the two girls who exchanged looks before one girl pulled a pen out from purse.

"May I hold your hand?" The first girl asked causing Ivy to smile slightly.

"If only I never had to let go." Ivy lamented making the girls giggle as they took turns writing their numbers on her hand while her brother watched dumbfounded.

"There's our number. Give us a call sometime and maybe we can be your work." The second girl said blushing and giggling making Ivy smirk slightly as she bade both girls goodbye and damn near swaggered over to her brother who was sitting on the beach towel with his head in his hands.

"What's that face for Zack?" Chief asked looking at the younger sibling who gave him a depressed look.

"Not only did I just geek out in the two hottest girls in Tahiti…but Ivy somehow managed to get _both_ of their numbers." Zack said making the Chief look at the smug Ivy who showed the numbers written on one palm and shrugged a bit.

"Ivesters got game. Anyways. Onto the new heist report of Carmens." Chief said before he began filling them in on the so far Catherine the Great themed heist.

"Yes. Thank you chief." Zack said when he met the Russian ACME agent they were to be working with, Tatyanna.

"That's such an exotic name, Tatyanna." Zack was saying trying to be smooth with the hot agent that had just given them coats as they were trying to investigate the clue that Carmen had left them.

"Okay Romeo. Flirt later, figure out the clue now." Ivy said as she looked at the snow sculpture that Carmen had left behind. Seriously where did she get this thing without someone noticing and how had she gotten it here without anyone seeing? She had most of the cops in the area less than a minute behind her!

"Oh sure this coming from the girl who had two girls wanting to date her less than an hour ago." Zack said scowling at his sister while Tatyanna looked interested.

"How do you do this 'date' thing? Is it terribly hard?" Tatyanna asked curiously as she looked between the siblings.

"How about you go with me to see a movie and I show you?" Ivy couldn't let the opportunity pass, making Zack's jaw hit the snow while Tatyanna blushed but agreed.

"Zack you are so smart to know that!" Tatyanna said a few minutes later after they riddled out the clue, and were about to C-5 their way to China. Zack smirked thinking that he was still in the game.

A few hours later and Tatyanna had firmly rebuffed Zack saying that she never kissed a boy on the first case, before they had found Carmen and got locked in her Chess Game.

Of course Carmen was more amused than anything about how Ivy was being smooth as hell towards Tatyanna during the whole thing before they began to escape.

"Careful Ivy. Get much smoother and I might fall down." Carmen teased to throw the detectives off a bit, making Ivy blush a bit but smirk. This opportunity didn't happen every day after all.

"Then I'd like to be the floor." Ivy called back making Carmen's eyes widen as she stumbled a bit. Carmen turned around and looked at Ivy stunned for a second before her face flushed a bit and she rushed off to escape again.

"Ivy seriously? Even with Carmen?" Zack asked his sister in disbelief as Ivy gave him an innocent look.

"You started this little brother. Deal with it." Ivy whispered as the two of them went back to Tahiti with Tatyanna tagging along.

Let's just say that by the end of the day, Ivy had three numbers on her hand and had made Zack really jealous with the three different lipstick marks on her cheek.

"Hey like I said." Ivy winked at her brother as he tried to impress Tatyanna again only for his soda the spray him when he opened it.

Ivy quickly grabbed her board and rushed out into the water as Zack chased her, Tatyanna laughing a bit at the table. It looked like such fun to have a sibling!

"Game on. And I got game."


	2. Chapter 2

**Carmen Sandiego smooth lines**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

"How is this even a question?" Ivy asked face-palming as her brother, idiotically, tried to prove who was the real Carmen by the shoe she had thrown to Ivy to help get them out of the cage Sara had put them in. Her idiot brother didn't even realize that both of the women were missing the same freaking shoe!

"What do you mean Ivy?" Zack asked blinking confused up at his sister who gave him and then the nearby minions a flat look.

"You need to get smarter minions Carmen. These guys couldn't pour piss from a boot if it had instructions on the heel." Ivy said to the real Carmen who gave a small snort at that.

"Seriously guys? Both of these women are beautiful, there's no doubt about that, but you can't seriously get Carmen confused with Sara without having a few screws loose in your brains." Ivy said giving all of the boys a flat look while Carmen and Sara both blushed a bit at the part about being beautiful. They weren't used to hearing such things being said so casually…or much at all.

"First off there's the accent in their voices. Both accents are downright hot yes, but Carmen's accent is different from Professor Bellum's. For the love of…the accents are from two completely different countries so how you can mistake one for the other I'll never know!" Ivy said giving a glare to the henchmen while Carmen looked amused.

"You know she has a point. If you're going to impersonate me Sara you need to at least remember that your accent is European whereas mine is not." Carmen said with a smirk to the scientist.

"Not to mention the skin tones are completely off! Carmen is tanned whereas the professor is pale. Then there's the rather obvious fact that Carmen is at _least_ half a head taller than Bellum. Since when does Carmen do an evil cackle and damaging heists anyways?" Ivy asked pointing out those facts one after the other as she ticked them off of her fingers.

"For the love of anything slightly holy, Carmen has saved our _lives_ more than once and we're the ones trying to arrest her more often than not! Sure we may have gotten some bruises and scrapes chasing after her but those come with the job and she actively tries to _not_ hurt _anyone_ during her heists. The imposter Professor over there caused three police wrecks when springing the Goose, and several officers had broken bones and other damaging wounds that _never_ happen during a Carmen heist." Ivy said while Zack frowned.

"What about that time when you broke your arm in two places and got shot in the shoulder during a chase Ives?" Zack asked making Carmen's eyes widen.

"What? When did that happen? None of my henchmen carry guns!" Carmen demanded alarmed as she stepped towards the girl, her eyes ticking over the girls arms.

"The case before Zack and I teamed up. You led me from Mexico to New Orleans." Ivy said making Carmen nod her head.

"Yes you had managed to return the stolen loot and nearly caught me. You had gotten the handcuffs on me and had handed me over to the police agent when I managed to break out of his hold. You chased me down a few roads and into a building where I lost you in the crowd." Carmen said making Ivy scowl slightly.

"You didn't even realize that building was a ring for sex traffickers did you?" Ivy asked making Carmen's eyes widen and her face pale ten shades of white until she was nearly as pale as Sarah.

"What?!" Carmen demanded her voice a bit higher pitched than normal as she looked at the girl shocked and a bit horrified.

"Sex traffickers. They had a few girls there they were about to 'auction' off when you led me in. I decided to break it up and save those girl rather than chase you more and leave them to their fate." Ivy said making Carmen look horrified.

"I…I had no idea!" Carmen said earning a slight sigh from Ivy.

"I figured you didn't. You may be a thief but you're not one of those kinds of crooks. I fought off twenty grown and armed men for around ten minutes or so before the police could get there and help me finish them off. One guy got a lucky shot in to my shoulder before I started using their numbers against them, and another one threw me into a wall where I broke my arm. It was because I kept fighting with the broken arm that it broke in a second spot." Ivy explained while Carmen still looked pale.

"I didn't mean for you to end up in that." Carmen whispered making Ivy nod her head at the woman in acknowledgement.

"Anyways that's not what we were discussing. We were talking about how it's near impossible to mistake Carmen for the professor." Ivy said changing the subject as she looked between the two horrified women while Zack was now hugging his sisters waist tightly.

"The clues were also far too easy, Sara just gave us a map of Brazil with a red X that marked the spot. Carmen actually makes us think. Ira Gater also gave up 'Carmen' far too easily when we asked, which makes sense because he wasn't giving up Carmen at all but instead he was giving up Bellum." Ivy said although it seemed that they were still stuck on what she had said about the case before she teamed up with her brother.

"Besides? Since when is Carmen left handed?" Ivy asked pointing to the device that Sara was holding in her left hand, and then pointing to the shoe that Carmen was holding in her right after Ivy tossed it back to her.

"And if you need one final piece of evidence…Carmen risked her own life leaning out of the stolen turret in Bavaria trying to grab me and keep me from falling, I saw the look in her eyes when I fell. She was terrified and upset and a whole lot of other things. When I touched Bellum's energy cell prison the first time she threw us in there while disguised as Carmen, she didn't stop me from grabbing the 'bars' and I ended up getting hurt. I saw the look on her face when I did. She didn't notice or care. That apathy is not Carmen at all." Ivy said showing them her palms which were badly burned and looked rather raw.

"Are you alright?" Carmen immediately stepped over and took Ivy's hands, holding them in her own as she examined the wounds.

"It's fine I've had a lot worse than this. Besides…" Here Ivy grinned slightly at Carmen just because the temptation for this was way too strong.

The fact that it made Carmen blush a bit while the trying to escape Sara stumbled and fell, was just an added bonus.

"How can something be wrong when such a beautiful woman is holding my hands?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Carmen Sandiego smooth lines**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

"Ivy is your brother carrying around a _stick_?" Carmen asked in surprise as she noticed Zack holding a stick in his hand with a fed up look on his face.

"Apparently there's a few people who are interested in me, not all of them boys either." Ivy said with a grin and shrug of her shoulders as the two criminals stared at her and Zack silently for a minute.

"The Chief said I'd need to start beating possible suitors off of Ives with a stick so I found a sharp pointy one to use. If I get good enough at it Chief promised to upgrade me to a baton like some police use!" Zack chimed in with a small grin as he tried to poke Carmen and Sara when they got within range of his stick.

"Just a regular baton? I could make an electro-shock baton with tracking and thief repelling devices in it in less than four hours." Sara said with a haughty sniff as she batted away the stick with her hand like a cat bats at a toy. Carmen just indulged the boy and let him prod her coat lightly. They weren't really 'on the clock' right now and in fact had run into each other on accident, so she saw no harm in letting the boy poke her jacket.

"Better way to protect Ives?" Zack perked up like a puppy at this, earning a roll of the eyes from his sister.

"I _can_ protect myself you know." Ivy pointed out more amused than anything as she watched Zack give Sara a puppy dog pout. The scientist put up a tough fight for all of twenty seconds before Zack's lower lip began to wobble and the scientist caved.

"I'll give it to you tomorrow." Sara said sighing in defeat much to Carmen's amusement. She had never seen Zack do the puppy dog pout to get his way before, and it was a surprise that it had even _worked_ on the scientist.

"You might have like seven different black belts Ivy but a little extra help from the least expected source couldn't hurt. Besides this way you don't have to worry about me so much all the time." Zack said with a triumphant grin to his sister who tucked him into a headlock and gave him a gentle noogie. Carmen's eyebrow rose interested at this. _Seven_ black belts?

"I'm your big sister. I'm supposed to worry about you, besides I've been worry about you and saving your behind since you learned how to walk. Like hell am I going to stop now just because you puppy pouted Professor Bellum into making you a fancy new toy." Ivy said with a grin as she ignored his flailing and attempts to get her to stop with ease.

"Anything with an electro-shock is not considered a toy." Bellum said with a scowl while Ivy snorted loudly at that and Zack snickered.

"It is against a girl who's been trained to withstand considerable amounts of damage and pain before it even registers to her system." Ivy said with a rather dark looking smirk on her face that sent chills down the two criminals spines.

"Excuse me young miss but I was told to deliver this letter to you immediately." A man wearing a suit said walking up to Ivy who rolled her eyes but smiled as she took the letter.

"Thanks Johnny but how many times have I told you to call me Ivy, not that 'young miss' crap?" Ivy asked as she released Zack and opened the letter.

"Four hundred and thirty nine within the list three months." Johnny replied immediately as Ivy read the letter and her face soured.

"Ivy?" Zack asked frowning at his sister concerned.

"We've been ordered to go to the ball tonight and bring dates. More public grandstanding I'm sure, but at least this one is for a good cause." Ivy said glancing down at Zack who frowned at this.

"Mom and Dad doing that whole 'happy family all together in everything' thing again?" Zack asked earning a nod from his sister while Johnny frowned and Carmen and Sara were surprised by the looks on the two teens faces.

"Think I can invite Tatyanna or Maria? They're always fun to bounce sarcastic and witty remarks off of, especially in other languages." Zack asked causing Ivy to hum.

"Go with Maria. Tatyanna spends most of the time blushing whenever I'm around for some reason." Ivy said with a smirk and making Zack snort and clench his stick tighter in his hand.

"I wonder why." Zack said sarcastically and earning a wider smirk from his sister.

"It's a formal charity ball so you'll need to get your suit ready and this time stick with the blue tie. It matches your eyes, and dad was _pissed_ at you wearing the Looney Toons tie last time." Ivy said giving her brother a stern look while he just gave a sheepish shrug and grin.

"I told him I'd do it if he didn't stop trying to set me up with the daughters of his friends, or you with their sons. He didn't believe me." Zack said with a grin while Johnny had a rather suspicious coughing attack.

"It says we're _required_ to bring a date or escort at least. Who are you going to ask Ivy?" Zack asked changing the subject as he gripped his stick while Ivy frowned heavily at this.

"…I don't suppose either of you would feel up to attending a formal ball with me?" Ivy asked glancing up at Sara and Carmen who both blinked slowly before they began blushing a bit.

"Which one and why us?" Carmen asked regaining her wits first as she stared at Ivy who gave them both a flat look.

"Whichever one of you might want to attend. And let's see why _wouldn't_ I want to go to a ball with a downright beautiful, intelligent, mature woman?" Ivy asked raising an eyebrow at them and causing both to blush brightly while Zack began trying to poke them again, a lot harder this time.

"And if we can't decide which of us wants to go to the dance with you?" Carmen asked unbothered by the stick that was poking her reinforced jacket much harder than earlier.

"Then I'd be more than honored to take you both to the dance at the same time. Who in their right mind would turn down an opportunity to date either of you much less go on a date with _both_ of you?" Ivy asked with a grin while Sara was slapping away the stick as best as she could. Of course both women were now bright red in the face and looked a bit lost on how to react.

"I daresay your parents reaction to you showing up with two women on your arm will be most humorous." Carmen finally managed to say earning a snort from Ivy.

"Like I give a damn what _they_ think. Should I take that as a sign that I should pick you both up later?" Ivy asked earning a look from both of the women who then looked at each other.

"The ball is tonight? Will you stop that Zachary?" Sara asked as she batted away the stick again, shooting the boy an annoyed look.

"At nine." Ivy said in agreement, it was only around ten in the morning right now thankfully.

"Pick us up at the park down the road at say…eight?" Carmen asked her brain racing. It was ten now and the ball wasn't until nine at night, that should be plenty of time for her and Sara to get ready and have a few escape plans ready in case this was a trick.

"Until then Mi Amores." Ivy said speaking what little French she knew as she kissed the back of their hands, earning matching blushes from the two who received a hard poke from Zack at that moment.

Johnny just snickered at Zack's annoyed words.

"Damnitt sis I'm trying to keep the suitors _away_ from you!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Carmen Sandiego smooth lines**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

"Wow…perfection in two very lovely flesh forms." Ivy said her eyes a bit wide as she stared at the two women who she was escorting to the ball as a long black stretch limo pulled up to where Carmen and Sara were waiting at the park.

"You clean up nice detective." Carmen said her eyes wide while Sara's mouth had dropped open a bit as she stared at the red head.

Ivy was wearing a long white sequined dress that had her collar bone and just a hint of cleavage shown, a slit in the leg to show the nicely toned by martial arts legs, her hair was held out of her eyes by a tasteful green butterfly clip, she had light make up on including some sparkling lip gloss, and had a light coating of dark silvery-grey eyeshadow on that made her eyes really pop. Holding out her hands for the two to take, Carmen noticed the light green nail polish that decorated the girls small nails. On Ivy's feet were a pair of white pumps that gave the already tall girl an extra inch or two of height. As for jewelry Ivy was wearing a simple gold necklace with a single pearl that hung down to her chest, and a pair of pearl earrings in her ears.

"I could say the same for both of you but you both look beautiful in normal cloths as it is." Ivy said smoothly with a grin as Sara blushed a bit and shyly took the offered hand.

Sara was wearing a long purple dress that had blue patterns spiraling around it and had her hair down from its usual style to show that it went to her shoulders and was held out of her face by a simple red hairclip. Her dress showed a bit of her collar bone but hugged her figure without showing _too_ much. Her normal goggles were gone, replaced by a pair of sensible glasses with a thin black metal frame to show that her eyes were brown and the most makeup Ivy could see on her was some light purple finger nail polish and pink lipstick. On the scientists feet were a pair of purple flats that didn't increase her height but somehow made her look taller than normal. Sara was just wearing a simple bracelet on her left wrist and a pair of small amethyst earrings, a present from Carmen on her last birthday.

Carmen on the other hand was wearing a long blood red dress with a slit in the legs that went almost to her waist to show her beautiful long toned legs, there was a plunging neckline to show a tantalizing glimpse of her generous chest, and the dress hugged her trim waist in just the right place. On Carmen's feet where her usual red heels, but her hat was gone and her long black hair was done up in a tasteful French braid. This showed her eyes which were two different colors. On her lips was icy blue lipstick that matched her right eye, and she had very little light green eyeshadow on to accentuate her left eye, and her nails were painted a blood red to match her gown. On one wrist was a thin golden bracelet and around her neck was her locket.

"You sure know how to flirt with a woman Ivy." Sara said finally as she glanced at the red head almost shyly, the poor scientist felt rather exposed wearing something like this dress when she was used to jeans, a blouse, and her lab coat.

"It comes naturally in the presence of such beauty." Ivy said without missing a beat as the two women took her offered hands and allowed her to escort them to the limo where the driver was holding open the back door for them.

"Should I have brought my stick?" Zack asked from the backseat of the limo, earning a snort from his date of the evening.

Zack was all dressed up in a pitch black three piece suit with the undershirt being a blood red color and the tie being sapphire blue to bring out his eyes. His hair was gelled into a gravity defying spiky style and his shoes were polished and shined until you could almost see your reflection in the black material. With the top button of his red shirt undone and his tie a little loose he was really rocking the 'bad boy' image which seemed to be his goal.

Sitting next to him was Jasmine, the lead ACME detective from Jamaica. The girl had forgone her usual tan and brown outfit for a light green dress with just a hint of her collarbone shown. Her dress had a small cut up to about her knees and her feet were covered by simple brown flats much like Sara's own purple ones. Her normal pony tail had been done away with to let her long straight brown hair flow down to about her upper back, and she had some simple pink lipstick on her lips. Her green eyes really stood out against her tanned skin as she smiled warmly at the two criminals that slid into the limo. Around her neck was a golden necklace with a jade on the end of it and she had some jade earrings in her ears, the jewelry matching her eyes.

 **(A/N: I literally challenge any and every one to actually draw a picture of these five like this! Send it to me if you do please ^^)**

"You both look beautiful. Truly going to be the belles of the ball." Jasmine said nodding to the two women who slid into the seats across from Jasmine and Zack, Ivy sliding in beside Carmen.

"You look lovely as well Jasmine, and you look very handsome with the bad boy image Zack." Carmen said nodding back to the tanned detective and then smiling at Zack who just grinned and shrugged, which really went with the image he was projecting.

"Ives wouldn't let me wear my looney toons tie this time, so I had to improvise. You're both gorgeous by the way." Zack said grinning at the two women.

"How did you get your hair to do that? It looks like mine whenever I am near too much static." Sara asked looking at the spikey golden locks on the boys head and making him look sheepish as the door was closed and the driver took his place in the drivers seat.

"Ivy did it. I don't know how she does it but she's a master with hair…and style when she wants to be." Zack said looking at his sister who smiled slightly as she reached over to grab two boxes from the seat next to Jasmine.

"Just because I have bigger balls than most men doesn't mean I can't be girly with some stuff too." Ivy said causing Sara to blush while Carmen snorted and Jasmine snickered. Zack just grinned at his sister.

"Yet I'm the one who's better at things like cooking and sewing." Zack teased earning a scowl from his sister.

"I swear that sewing machine has it out for me! The stupid thing is possessed or something because it does not want to work with me!" Ivy said earning a giggle from Jasmine.

"Anyways. I got you two something. Don't know if you'll like it but I thought you might." Ivy said ignoring her snickering brother as she handed the two boxes over to her two dates, the blue one going to Bellum and the red to Carmen.

"You didn't have to do that Ivy." Carmen said looking at the girl surprised and making Jasmine shake her head in bemusement.

"They don't listen when you say that. Trust me I've tried. Besides…for them it's a tradition to give their dates or escorts a present before we make it to the dance." Jasmine said as she pointed at the necklace she was wearing.

"Zack has asked me to go as his date to these things before so I'm more used to it but it's still a bit of a shock with some of the things they do. This necklace was my present last time, and the earrings were my present this time." Jasmine explained at the looks that the two were giving her, they were surprised that she had been to this 'ball' thing before.

"I actually know you, get along with you, and have a fun time when you agree to come as my date Jasmine. Why wouldn't I ask you? Besides you _saw_ how those other girls at the dance acted last time they thought I was alone." Zack said with a shiver as he remembered what happened the last time he thought to go to a dance alone, thankfully Jasmine had been invited as Ivy's plus one that time and helped him out by acting as his date. Ivy had ended up alone and fending off the boys but she didn't mind, said that it was better for _her_ to fend off the desperate ones than for her brother to end up doing it.

"You were ready to jump off of the balcony to escape, and you would have done it too if I hadn't had cut in. Their reactions were most amusing." Jasmine said giggling a bit as she recalled that as well, it had been funny to see the looks of shock and despair on the other girls faces. Of course that might be her vindictive side coming out after hearing more than one of those stuck up Barbie's make remarks about her accent.

One girl even had the gall to stereotype her and ask if she had any weed.

"Ivy this is…" Sara was shocked speechless as she opened her present, going wide eyed at the sight of the elegant golden necklace that had an amethyst hanging from it as well as the amethyst broach and several small glass vials of chemicals that were underneath the necklace.

"I noticed you liked the color purple and the ACME files have your birthday in them so I thought I'd give you a necklace with your birthstone. The vials of chemicals are harmless ones you can mix dozens of different ways for pranks and other such things in case you get bored at the party. Just let me know if you slip something into someone's food though so I can video tape the reactions." Ivy said with a mischievous wink to the scientist who took the necklace out with almost shaky hands.

"Here let me clip it on, good thing it matches your dress huh? Hope you don't mind but I noticed you tend to like things that are more practical than flashy." Ivy asked leaning across Carmen slightly to help clip the necklace on the scientists' neck, earning a shaky nod and shocked look from the Ukrainian woman.

"How did…" Carmen was speechless as well when she opened her own present. It was an Aquamarine broach and a pair of diamond earrings. But not just any earrings. Carmen realized that these were some of the most expensive earrings in the world, the Golconda Diamond Earrings.

Jasmine let out a small impressed whistle while Zack didn't look surprised by it.

Sara and Carmen both gaped in disbelief as Ivy merely shrugged as if she _hadn't_ just given some of the most expensive jewelry in the world to a notorious thief.

Her words had them both staring at her shocked and in disbelief for the rest of the ride as she gently helped the still stunned Carmen put on the earrings and broach.

"I had plenty of spare pocket change and birthday money saved up so I figured why not? I noticed you liked flashy things but didn't think you'd want a tiara."


	5. Chapter 5

**Carmen Sandiego smooth lines**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

"Shall we my ladies?" Ivy asked holding her hand out to help the two women she was with from the car as they pulled up in front of a large at least 40,000 square foot mansion.

"Um…wow…" Sara said looking out of her depth as she stared at the mansion they were about to enter.

"Wow about sums it up." Carmen agreed faintly as she stared at the mansion as well, she had no idea that her two favorite detectives were this rich.

"Oh this is just our U.S. Mansion. We have mansions exactly like this or bigger on pretty much every continent." Zack said casually as he guided Jasmine up the marble steps towards the large red wood doors.

"What the hell do your parents _do_?" Carmen asked in disbelief as she looked at the two detectives shocked.

"Hmm…they have their hands in everything just about. Weapons, Defensive gear, Schools, Stock Market, pretty much any and everything legal and I wouldn't be surprised if they had drugs and all on the side actually. If they do they keep it hidden from me and Zack." Ivy said holding her arm out to both ladies on either side of her.

"Why are you two detectives if you come from a family like this?" Sara asked looking at the girl she was holding onto curiously and a bit awestruck.

"Our grandparents helped fund ACME when it started and while our parents keep supplying it with new technology and money, they aren't really interested in anything but the press they get from it. I visited ACME once when I was a little girl, back when my grandfather was still alive, and got interested in helping solve crimes and bring closure to the victims. They said I'd need to be able to bring something very…big to the agency other than my family name if I wanted to be able to do any good. Zack followed my lead into the Academy but he was more in the technology and linguistic side." Ivy said smiling slightly as she thought back to her grandfather. She really missed him.

"What did you bring aside from your clever wits and cunning nature?" Carmen asked curiously as she eyed the girl while Jasmine snorted slightly from ahead of them.

"You don't know? The girl's got mad skills in pretty much every training course and more black belts than any of the instructors back at ACME Academy combined." Jasmine said earning a shrug from Ivy.

"And I didn't even tell them my last name, the only ones at ACME who know it are you, Zack, and me. And Joshua too but that simpering stalker wouldn't tell a soul because he knows I'd hurt him if he did." Ivy said adding the last name with a roll of her eyes while Zack scowled slightly.

"Maybe I should have brought my stick, isn't he always at these things?" Zack asked as they made it to the top of the steps where a man was waiting with a list at the door.

"Who may I announce is entering?" The man asked pompously and making Ivy roll her eyes.

"Well there's Zack with his gorgeous girl Jasmine in front of us. If you'd have opened your eyes you would have noticed that I'm Ivy and the two women on my arms are Aphrodite and Athena." Ivy said in a bored drawl making the man's eyes snap open at the names as he stared at them wide eyed. Carmen and Sara both blushed brightly at what she called them, she had basically just said that they were goddesses.

"Young master! Young mistress!" The man said bowing low to the siblings who pulled faces at that.

"Young master Zachary and young Lady Jasmine." The announcer called as Zack and his date entered the room, Zack still rolling his eyes but fixing a roguish grin on his face to go with his bad boy look as he entered.

"And you two?" The man asked looking at Ivy's two dates lost for their real names.

"Sara." Sara supplied first while Carmen took a second to think up one of her aliases.

"Rose." Carmen said after a seconds pause, earning a raised eyebrow from Ivy.

"Young mistress Ivory with ladies Sara and Rose." The announcer said as Ivy pulled a face and guided her two dates into the room.

"Ivory?" Carmen whispered with a raised eyebrow as they entered the large grand Hall that was filled with people in various fancy dresses and tuxedoes. Most of them had their eyes glued to the trio of women with shocked or appalled expressions on their faces.

"Full first name. Call me that again and I'll kick your fine ass from California to Austria." Ivy said immediately making Carmen blush a bit at the part about her ass but nod slightly.

"Fair enough." Carmen agreed with a nod from Sara showing her own agreement as they followed Zack and Jasmine to a couple that were staring at Ivy either shocked or angry.

The woman had long curly blond hair tumbling down her back and stunning blue eyes that were staring at Ivy angrily. She was in a long silver shimmering gown that went to the floor with plenty of fancy diamonds and other stones decorating her body and dress.

The man had black hair and green eyes as he stood in a top of the line tuxedo staring at the women on Ivy's arms almost lecherously, a rose pinned to his suit and a cane in one hand.

"Mother. Father. You remember Jasmine." Zack said nodding to the woman and man who didn't even glance at him and his date.

"Explain yourself Ivory." The woman demanded angrily.

"Oh geez it's good to see you too for the first time in over a year. Nice dress did you recycle the last one or did you have this one hand made for you again? You might want to stop putting the dye in your hair by the way, it's not doing much to hide the gray anymore." Ivy said her tone dry as she looked at the woman who was apparently her mother. Carmen frowned at this and exchanged looks with Sara.

Ivy was only eighteen as of last week, and Zack was only fourteen…and yet neither of them had seen their mother in over a year?

"Besides how many times do I have to ask you to call me Ivy? Anyways. These are my dates for the evening. The beautiful goddess in purple Sara, and the equally stunning goddess in red Rose. Are we done with the meet and greet now?" Ivy asked bored as she surveyed the two adults in front of her with a distant off hand manner.

"Is that any way to speak to your parents?" The man asked although he was eyeing the two women lustfully, making Sara step backwards a bit uncomfortable. Ivy smoothly stepped in front of the scientist, almost hiding the slightly shorter woman behind her.

"Is that any way to look at your daughters date? Especially since your wife is standing right next to you? If you can't keep it in your pants then you could at least keep your pants up in public." Ivy asked right back causing Zack to snort slightly while Jasmine hid her smile behind her hand.

"Young lady you are on very thin ice." The woman said making Ivy sigh slightly.

"And here I am without my ice skates. Well it was…interesting to see you again. Let's not talk too long since you have a ball to be hosting. If you need me I'll be enjoying the evening with the two lovely ladies that had enough pity on me to accompany me tonight…in other words if you need me oh well." Ivy said flippantly as she moved to escort her two dates past the two fuming adults and towards a table that was loaded down with food and drinks.

"Just wait until we're alone after this Ivory." The man threatened making Ivy look at him almost amused.

"Oh? And when will that be? You've been avoiding me and Zack since he was _three_. The only times we ever actually see either of you is when you need or want us for something. More often than not that means you need us to be together in public as if we're a happy little family. Face it…you've been avoiding us so much that you probably don't even remember how old we are." Ivy said raising a challenging eyebrow at her parents who looked at each other.

"Zack is twelve and you're only fifteen." The woman said making Zack sigh and look a bit heartbroken but not too surprised. Ivy just snorted.

"Typical." Ivy said sneering slightly at them while Carmen was scowling as were Jasmine and Sara.

"Are you telling me that your own parents don't even know how old you are?" Carmen asked looking at Ivy as if hoping this was going to be a big joke.

"I doubt they even remember our birthdays or Zack's full name. Don't worry this is nothing new for them." Ivy said trying to appease her tanned date who did not look happy.

"September 15th for _Zachariah_ and February 26th for you." The man said hastily when he saw some of the finely dressed people around them beginning to frown and murmur to themselves. Carmen was _furious_. They didn't even get his full name right and it was just announced like five minutes ago!

"Wrong." Zack said looking heartbrokenly at the two adults while Ivy stepped over and placed a hand on his shoulder, her two dates flanking her and glaring at the so called parents.

" _Zachary's_ birthday is _January the fifth_." Carmen said coldly to the two adults who went stark white at this.

" _Ivy's_ birthday is _March the 14_ _th_." Jasmine's voice was equally cold as she stared at the man and woman who went even paler at that revelation.

"Thank you for proving me right, although you could have at least done it when Zack wasn't in hearing range. Jasmine? Do you mind taking my brother over to the punch or buffet?" Ivy asked glancing at the Jamaican who nodded and wrapped a supportive arm around the blond boy, leading him over to the punch.

"If you two want to join them I'll be along in just a moment." Ivy said glancing at her two dates who looked at each other…but stayed right where they were.

"Stay away from Zack will you? Unlike me, he still holds out a bit of hope that you care a little bit for him as something other than your spare heir." Ivy said staring her parents down as she stood at her full height, towering at least three inches over both of her parents.

"We're his parents." The woman said although her voice was a bit shaky and making Ivy snort derisively.

"Pull the other leg, it has bells on it." Ivy sneered at her, her green eyes going positively glacial as she glared down the two.

"He doesn't even remember that you are the ones who gave birth to him most of the time, did you know that? When was the last time he made you anything for mothers or fathers day? When he was two and I helped him make it." Ivy said sneering at them as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I've raised him pretty much by myself ever since I was five, with you leaving us in the care of butlers and maids who don't know a damn thing about child rearing." Ivy said and her voice dropped dangerously low as she stepped closer to them, her words traveling just to those nearest the tall red head.

"I'm the one he gives _mother's_ _day_ cards and presents to. I'm the one he calls out for when he's sick or injured. When he's in danger or needs help with something he calls out for _me_." Ivy said her voice deepening as she glared at them both.

"I've raised him and gave up my own childhood to do so, I'm his mother in every way but birth. So I'm only going to say this once and you'd damn well better listen to me. Stay. Away. From. _My_. Baby. Boy." Ivy said enunciating each word of the last sentence slowly to show that she meant business.

Ivy gave them one last dark protective glare before she stepped back away from them and towards her two dates who were given her shocked or upset looks. Carmen never really thought that one of the two didn't have a childhood.

"And if we don't?" The man asked although his voice was a bit shaky. Ivy just kept walking back to her dates, even though it was only two steps for her long legs.

"You'd better damn well remember that I know how to whoop your asses in a most painful and humiliating way and besides…" Ivy said and here she turned to glare at them over her shoulder.

Her words making them both pale while shocked whispers traveled throughout the room.

"Last I checked you two were leaching off of _my_ inheritance since Grandmother wrote you out of her will. You'd better remember who the next head of the family and company _really_ is."


	6. Chapter 6

**Carmen Sandiego smooth lines**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

"Well that's going to be all over the tabloids tomorrow." Ivy said sighing as she made her way back to her brother and Jasmine.

"Which part? The you bringing two lovely ladies as your dates? The you ripping into your parents? Or the fact that you're the actual heiress to your grandmothers fortune and companies instead of it being your mother like everyone thought?" Jasmine asked without looking up from where she was making sure that Zack was okay.

"Yes." Ivy said without specification as she knelt down to check on her brother who was quietly sitting in one of the chairs.

"Bitch." Jasmine said although she was smiling slightly and making Zack snort at the look of surprise and shock on the two criminals faces. They had never heard the detectives curse before, and honestly they kind of forgot that the detectives were teens and would know a lot of choice words.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Ivy said with a grin as she made her brother look at her.

"You alright there runt?" Ivy asked earning a weak smile from her brother who nodded and ran a hand through his messy hair.

"Yeah." Zack said as he fixed his face into a smile and began to stand up.

"There's too many vultures around here for me to let it affect me visibly at the moment. I'll deal with my emotions when we get back to the house." Zack said with a flippant air to him as he stood up with a grin on his face, Ivy standing up with a frown on hers as she put a hand on his shoulder.

"If you need to leave early let me know." Ivy said making Zack look at her and smile thankfully but turning it into a small mischievous grin.

"Yes _mom_." Zack said sarcastically earning a smile and gentle cuff upside the head from Ivy.

"Don't take that tone with me young man." Ivy said making Zack pout while Jasmine snickered and the two criminals smiled slightly at the interaction between the two siblings.

"Come on Jasmine. Want to dance?" Zack asked looking at the Jamaican teen and holding out his hand palm up towards her.

"I'd love to." Jasmine said taking the hand offered and letting him pull her out onto the floor where they moved like a well oiled machine together. The fact that Jasmine had been Zack's date to these things before showed as the two moved together and laughed together over whatever it was they were talking about as they danced.

"Are your parents always like…" Carmen trailed off as she found Ivy's finger on her lips shushing her with a smile.

"I'd like to enjoy the dance and event with the two beautiful women that accompanied me. Any questions about the leaches can be saved for another time alright?" Ivy asked making Carmen slowly nod her head in agreement with a slight blush on her cheeks.

"How are we going to dance?" Sara asked looking at Ivy who hummed a bit as she pulled away from Carmen.

"Well I can either dance with you two one at a time or you could dance with each other if you prefer. Whichever way you're more comfortable with." Ivy said with a smile as she looked at the two of them, easily lifting three glasses off of the tray of a passing waiter without him ever noticing.

"Smooth theft. You're not even old enough to be drinking champagne." Carmen said impressed by the easy and effortless, if minor, theft the girl had pulled off, accepting one of the glasses that was being handed to her.

"Not like it'd be the first time I've done it." Ivy said with a wink as she handed Sara the other glass and then sipped her own champagne.

"What drink champagne or steal something?" Sara asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes." Ivy said with a grin earning a small snort from Carmen.

"Honestly most of the ACME detectives do quite a bit of drinking, you should see how our Christmas parties turn out. I swear most of the time it's a race to see who can spike the punch first and a competition to see if they can remain uncaught after doing so." Ivy said making the two criminals look at her surprised.

"Tatyanna is a light weight but she gets violent when she's drunk, I usually have to knock her out. Zack is like a puppy, bouncing around everyone and demanding attention and affection. Joshua is just as bad as Zack but instead of going to everyone he follows me around like a lost dog and gets upset if I pay someone else more attention than I do him. Jasmine over there is usually my partner in remaining sober but the one time she got drunk she went on a huge pranking spree and we still don't know how she did half of those things." Ivy said describing each of her co-workers after they've had a few too many to the two curious and amused criminals.

"I thought Zack was going to invite Maria or Tatyanna to the dance?" Carmen asked when Ivy was telling them about how Maria was a giggly drunk.

"He was going to but Tatyanna usually ends up blushing and focusing on me whenever I'm around for some reason." Ivy's face was perfectly innocent at this earning a snort from Sara and Carmen both. The blond Russian was apparently under Ivy's charm just as much as the two of them were.

"Maria told him she wasn't interested in dating him before he could even ask her about coming to the dance, and Jasmine was going to come anyways so they decided to go to the dance together." Ivy said making the three of their group glance over to Jasmine and Zack just in time to see Jasmine laugh at something Zack had said.

"While not as wealthy as me and Zack, Jasmine is plenty rich herself but prefers a more…modest lifestyle. Apparently her family is responsible for some of the most notable historical and marine discoveries and inventions. By the two of them coming to parties like this together it keeps the gold diggers away from Zack and the leeches away from Jasmine." Ivy explained making the two older women nod slowly in understanding. That made a good bit of sense.

"What about you? While they keep the leeches away from each other, what happens to you when you're here at these things alone?" Sara asked looking at the younger woman who took another swallow of her champagne.

"Usually if I'm alone then the vultures try to swarm me with hopes of getting me to themselves. Joshua in particular is known to try and attach himself to me and 'impress' me with whatever it is he thinks he's good at that particular month." Ivy said rolling her eyes at the end.

"Joshua? One of the techies at ACME? He gets invited to these things too?" Carmen asked surprised and earning a nod from Ivy.

"Both of his parents are inventors and have several machines patented to them. He's a little less wealthy than Jasmine but more than half of the others here. He also has a crush the size of Canada on me and apparently doesn't know the meaning of the word 'no' whenever I tell him." Ivy said scowling a bit, she had to fend off the persistent fanboy more than once.

"Well don't look now but it seems Mr. Determined himself is heading this way." Sara said nodding to somewhere behind Ivy, causing the girl to glance over her shoulder and then swear under her breath.

"Great. He's either going to beg me for a dance or do something stupid. Looks like he's had too much of the champagne." Ivy said her voice a growl as the boy rather unsteadily made his way over to the three women with a small frown on his face and a blush on his cheeks.

"Hey Ives…Didn't know you were a dyke." Joshua slurred slightly as he moved as if to throw an arm around Ivy's shoulders.

Ivy had a scowl on her face as she easily evaded the arm and the poor boy fell at her feet as she glared down at him.

"Don't be such a prudish bitch." Joshua whined up at her causing Carmen and Sara both to scowl at him darkly.

Ivy just looked at her half full glass of champagne for a second before holding over Joshua.

Then she turned it upside down.


	7. Chapter 7

**Carmen Sandiego smooth lines**

 **By: FunahoMisaki**

 **(A/N: I own nothing and read last chapter)**

"Wow. That will _actually_ be the front page of the tabloids tomorrow. Fortune heiress dumps champagne on the heir of two inventors. What did Joshua do _this_ time?" Jasmine asked raising an eyebrow as she and Zack made their ways over to the red head and the now spluttering inventor.

"Started with calling me a dyke then called me a prudish bitch when I didn't let him put his arm around my shoulder." Ivy said unbothered as everyone stared at the newly made scene.

"How drunk are you?" Zack asked staring at Joshua startled and amused at how he was trying to wipe the champagne from his face but his movements were off.

"Not drunk." Joshua slurred out as he stumbled to his feet finally and glared at Ivy.

"Not buying it." Ivy didn't miss a beat as she stared him down bored.

"I'm not drunk." Joshua said glaring at Ivy darkly but his words were slow so that they were spoken clearly.

"Then congrats, you're a natural asshole." Jasmine said dryly, earning a snarl from the boy who staggered towards her.

"Try it Joshua. Go ahead. _Try me_." Ivy hissed the last two words at the boy in a dark tone, making him falter for a minute.

"Not gonna do nothin'. Just wanna dance wid the girl I love." Joshua said his words slurred again as he moved towards Ivy who stared him down unimpressed.

"Even if either of us knew what love is, which we both are too young to even claim knowing what true love is like, I _don't love you._ " Ivy said completely blunt and earning a wince of sympathy from Sara for the poor tech boy who looked shocked and heartbroken at this.

"You can learn to love me! We… we'd be like a power couple! My tech skills with your… well you… we'd be unstoppable at anything!" Joshua said desperately earning a roll of the eyes from Ivy.

"Still not interested. You aren't my type. Move along to your next choice in girls because you aren't getting this one." Ivy said dismissively as she waved a hand as if to shoo him away.

"Maybe I should just take what I want then." Joshua threatened as he grabbed her wrist tightly, Ivy actually looked _amused_ at this. It was only because she looked amused that kept the furious Jasmine, Sara, or Carmen from beating the boy over the head until he was bleeding and broken. Zack looked angry as well but he bit his tongue since he knew his sister could handle the techie herself.

"Joshua… in case you've forgotten… you are powerless without your machines which aren't here at the moment." Ivy said sweetly, her voice far too sweet to be anything but a threat in and of itself. It had the wealthy adults around them backing away warily while Jasmine eyed Ivy confused and wary as well.

"I don't need em." Joshua said trying to appear confident in that but his unsteady demeanor and slightly slurred words ruined any chance of seeming confident at all.

"Oh yes you do because in case you aren't aware…I don't need _any_ help." Ivy said her sickly sweet smile suddenly much sharper and more dangerous. It caused Carmen and Sara both to tense on habit as they began cataloging their escape routes and weapons nearby.

"I know fourteen different ways to _snap your neck with my bare hands within the next twenty seconds._ " Ivy said as he free hand shot out and grabbed Joshua by his suit collar, pulling the now cowering boy close enough that he could see his own death in her eyes.

"Now let. Me. Go." Ivy ordered slowly making the boy release her wrist immediately as he stood pale and trembling before the red head.

"Good boy. Now get over whatever crush/obsession you have for me and leave me alone. If you ever grab or threaten me again, I'm going to break your arm _and_ jaw as a final warning." Ivy said without missing a beat as she released his collar and watched as he scrambled away from her, a stain on the front of his suit pants.

"You know I think you threatening to snap his neck will be the front pages." Jasmine said almost casually as she looked at where Joshua was running and had crashed into, and promptly flipped over, one of the tables set up.

"More so than his threats to take what he wanted from me? He's lucky that I only threatened him." Ivy said waving it off dismissively before turning back to her two dates.

"Sorry you had to witness that my ladies. Desperation, rejection, and insanity is a disgusting thing to have to see, especially for two lovely ladies such as yourselves." Ivy said smiling charmingly at Sara and Carmen who had relaxed a bit and Carmen looked amused with how Ivy had handled the boy.

"It's alright. Are you sure you would not be interesting in someone more…your age?" Sara asked a bit hesitantly as she looked at the red head who rolled her eyes.

"Someone my age who most likely has only one thing on their mind, and I don't mean video games? Why would I want someone like that?" Ivy asked grinning at the two women as she looked at them both again.

"Especially with two beautiful, _mature_ , and intelligent women such as you both being…shall we say…on the dating market?" Ivy asked making the two blush slightly and look away from her.

Zack just looked slightly amused, slightly annoyed, and mostly just _done with this_ as he groaned.

His glare and words towards his sister reflected that quite clearly while Jasmine laughed.

" _Damnitt_ Ives! I didn't bring my stick so can you stop being such a chick magnet for just _one night_?"


End file.
